Dear Abby: Moving in together becomes a roadblock in relationship

    DEAR ABBY:I have been dating a great guy for two years. We each have two kids from a previous marriage. I am still legally married (separated almost three years) and am in the process of divorcing. My ex is stubborn and vindictive. He’s dragging this whole thing out for no good reason other than to spite me.

    I brought up the issue of moving in together with my boyfriend, but he told me he isn’t ready. Clearly, since my divorce isn’t final, we aren’t getting engaged or married anytime soon, but I think it would be the next logical step in moving forward in our relationship.

    We see each other every weekend, our kids get along great, and I yearn to blend this already blended family under one roof. I love him, and he says he loves me. He says the fact that I’m still legally married doesn’t bother him.

    I’m wondering, because after two years he still isn’t ready, if he’ll ever be ready. What if my divorce isn’t final for years? Must I wait until then to be living together?

    Honestly, I just want to go to bed with him and wake up with him every morning. Should I set myself a time limit for him to move forward, or should I quit now? We get along in every way, and this is the one worry in the back of my mind. — WAITING IN NEW YORK

    DEAR WAITING:You and your boyfriend need to have an honest conversation. It’s possible he may want to avoid the present drama in your divorce. It’s equally possible that he doesn’t want to move in together because he likes your relationship just the way it is — living independently from Monday to Friday while enjoying the pleasure of each other’s company on weekends.

    If this is the case, you need to know that things may not change if and when your husband decides to finalize the divorce. This is something you may also want to discuss with your divorce lawyer. There may be a way to sever the tie that binds. You should not be held captive for years because your spiteful almost-ex is dragging things out.

    ** ** **

    DEAR ABBY:One of my close friends’ 37-year-old daughter was recently married. One hundred and fifty people were invited to her wedding, and I was not one of them. I sent a gift to the bride and groom before the wedding. We have been neighbors and close friends of her parents for 25 years. Needless to say, I am hurt.

    My friend keeps sharing all the particulars and photos with me, which I gush over, but she doesn’t realize my heart is broken. I thought we were the best of friends. She has other close friends, and I know them too. They were all at the wedding. I am sad and clueless about why I was snubbed, and I can’t get over it. Help! — HURTING INSIDE

    DEAR HURTING:It was not your friend’s wedding you were eliminated from but her daughter’s. If there were 150 guests, half may have come from the groom’s side — friends, relatives, etc. Also, the happy couple may have wanted to include their own contemporaries. Level with your neighbor about how you feel and ask why you were left off the guest list. You may not have been snubbed at all.

    ** ** **

    Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby atwww.DearAbby.comor P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

    ** ** **

    For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order “How to Have a Lovely Wedding.” Send your name and mailing address, plus check or money order for $8 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Shipping and handling are included in the price.)


    1130 Walnut, Kansas City, MO 64106; 816-581-7500

    Read more advice:

    Dear Abby: Divorced mother gets cold shoulder at family events

    Dear Abby: Cross-dressing best friend wants to go out as a couple

    Dear Abby: Happy smartphone user stops short of becoming an addict


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